The Long Road Home

It’s been awhile since I’ve walked this dusty road, but I remember it well. That spot there, where the sun never quite reaches, is where I found myself on my knees praying to a god I didn’t believe in. Bodies upon bottles upon razor blades gleaming with self-harm and a cocaine glow fill the ditches [...]

Unbalanced

Unbalanced

I have God in my words and the devil in my ear, and a sister, who keeps telling me to find my magic. © Nicole Lyons 2017 

The earworms in a Ghost

The earworms in a Ghost

I am heavy with the weight of the world, a ghost of the girl I used to be. Where is she? The one with the feet that skimmed the ground. I can hear her still, deep within the walls of my mind, drumming her knuckles to the beat of dying dopamine. Oh how it wails [...]

In the absence of melancholy

In the absence of melancholy

Fear no longer sits with melancholy; it dances wildly, trumpeting its arrival upon the departure of sadness. There was security in despair, as if depression was some sort of cloak of invisibility, and wrapping myself in it ensured my quiet observation of the world. Fear has stripped me of my cloak to parade me naked [...]

Clusters

It is as if some sort of cosmic energy is continually pulsing through my veins, cascading along, dancing with my white blood cells, finding a home in every organ of my body. I hold the universe inside of me and I delight in the idea of that for days on end, but when I hit [...]

Broken, I love someone broken – Lizzi Lewis

Broken, I love someone broken   “We’re playing hot potato,” you had said As we took turns to succumb to the monsters; Those chemical teeter-totters in the playgrounds Of our heads, and whilst I was below Beset, prepared to die to spare you (How nobly I would go, for you, for everyone For those foolish [...]

Dear Ignorant People on World Bipolar Day

Let’s chat, shall we? I hear you’re oh so tired of “this whole mental illness thing” so let me be quick, just clear up a few things for you, and then you can be on your way. My illness is as real, and as painful, as the physical illness that your beautiful child was born [...]

Crazy Diamonds – By Julie Anderson

Crazy Diamonds – By Julie Anderson

  I recently read an outstanding book that made the case FOR mental illness, rather than AGAINST it. Nassir Ghaemi, director of the Mood Disorders Programme at Tufts Medical Center, wrote, A First-Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness. Gandhi, President Kennedy, Winston Churchill, and Martin Luther King Jr., were examined from [...]

My Days Are Numbered

My Days Are Numbered

My moods have been predetermined and prescribed. Seven tiny compartments measure my days. Pink and orange match the sunrise and taste bitter with my coffee. I chase them with water so they mellow in my blood, as if water can render toxic harmless. Yellow sticks in my throat every morning, and steals my happiness before [...]

Twenty-six Pages

Twenty-six Pages

  Remember when I said I was going to get the pharmacist to print out every single medication I have been prescribed since 2012? Well here it is and it is a whopping 26 pages long. There is shit on here that I had to Google, absolutely no fucking clue what it was, and no recollection [...]