A Cosmic Disappointment

I drink

and I scream

and I curse the stars,

and still you are here,

blaring in my fucking veins.

Nicole Lyons 2017

Something Pure

I am tired and I just want
something pure, something
beautiful to burst
from the filth of this sickness,
this tragedy that is
devouring my mind again.
And all at once I feel
nothing but the shriek
of my soul being
ripped from its bones.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Freakshow

I had always wanted to be
the center of attention
until I was shackled
into the main attraction
of her sideshow.
A three-ring circus and her
freak show, fisting gaping
chests and shredding hearts.
I stepped right up
and felt the twisting
of my head,
I heard the cracking
of my skull,
and I was mesmerized
when the spotlight hit
my juggled mind and I
heard a thundering ovation.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Unbalanced

I have God
in my words
and the devil
in my ear,
and a sister,
who keeps telling me
to find my magic.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

The Good Girls Are Always Found

I have broken my own bones,
splintered them
and placed them into bags,
dozens of bags of me,
and I have thrown them
from the windows of speeding cars
in hope that you will find me
after the crash, somewhere
where the good girls would never go,
littered between back alleys
in the dark parts, the places where
the good girls are always found.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

A Pocket Full of Mania

I have sidled up to demons
and whispered them to sleep
but these fiery angels
in my pocket care nothing
for decent conversation.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

I Have Surrendered on This Night

fade-out

Tonight I will unpack my worries,
tuck them gingerly beneath my pillow
and lay my head upon them
so that they may feel safe.
When I close my eyes against
the violence of racing thoughts
behind them, perhaps it shall see
the red streaking the white of them
and know I have surrendered on this night.
As I sink down into the darkness,
strength drifts out and away from me,
to take first watch at my feet.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Dropping Hell and Heavenly Shoes

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Don’t tell me that
there is no such thing
as hell when your shoes
are filled with heaven,
you have seen me struggle
with the weight of it.
Come and sit a spell
and let me drop hell
for you to look into
and we will see how quickly
heaven moves you then.

©Nicole Lyons 2017

a Devil and a Deity

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There is a beast
in me who quakes
to be worshipped.
Its deep rumbling
cracks the temple
of me and I wait
to crumble beneath it.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

A Bipolar Nemesis: Daylight Savings Time

Did you all remember to spring ahead? Flashback to why I hate daylight savings

The Lithium Chronicles

lightbox

In the world of bipolar disorder, being stable for months can be a pretty awesome feat. My meds had been at the lowest dose possible–yay me! I was seeing my psychiatrist regularly, which is both infuriating and insightful, and practicing mindfulness daily. It sounds a lot easier than it really is. As a result, I was happily in the zone. Then boom, it hit. Daylight Savings Time. Why in the hell is this even still a thing? Haven’t there been like a zillion studies done that shows how this is more harmful than helpful? It was created for an agrarian society. We’re not farmers anymore!

Deciding on a proactive approach, rather than batcaving in my bedroom and curling into the fetal position like I wanted to do, I went to my psychiatrist. “Here, try this light box,” she said. It’s about the size of a CD case, but much thicker…

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