I drink and I scream and I curse the stars, and still you are here, blaring in my fucking veins. Nicole Lyons 2017
A Cosmic Disappointment
Category: Mania
Something Pure
I am tired and I just want something pure, something beautiful to burst from the filth of this sickness, this tragedy that is devouring my mind again. And all at once I feel nothing but the shriek of my soul being ripped from its bones. © Nicole Lyons 2017
Freakshow
I had always wanted to be the center of attention until I was shackled into the main attraction of her sideshow. A three-ring circus and her freak show, fisting gaping chests and shredding hearts. I stepped right up and felt the twisting of my head, I heard the cracking of my skull, and I was [...]
Unbalanced
I have God in my words and the devil in my ear, and a sister, who keeps telling me to find my magic. © Nicole Lyons 2017
The Good Girls Are Always Found
I have broken my own bones, splintered them and placed them into bags, dozens of bags of me, and I have thrown them from the windows of speeding cars in hope that you will find me after the crash, somewhere where the good girls would never go, littered between back alleys in the dark parts, [...]
A Pocket Full of Mania
I have sidled up to demons and whispered them to sleep but these fiery angels in my pocket care nothing for decent conversation. © Nicole Lyons 2017
I Have Surrendered on This Night
Tonight I will unpack my worries, tuck them gingerly beneath my pillow and lay my head upon them so that they may feel safe. When I close my eyes against the violence of racing thoughts behind them, perhaps it shall see the red streaking the white of them and know I have surrendered on this [...]
Dropping Hell and Heavenly Shoes
Don’t tell me that there is no such thing as hell when your shoes are filled with heaven, you have seen me struggle with the weight of it. Come and sit a spell and let me drop hell for you to look into and we will see how quickly heaven moves you then. ©Nicole Lyons [...]
a Devil and a Deity
There is a beast in me who quakes to be worshipped. Its deep rumbling cracks the temple of me and I wait to crumble beneath it. © Nicole Lyons 2017
A Bipolar Nemesis: Daylight Savings Time
Did you all remember to spring ahead? Flashback to why I hate daylight savings
In the world of bipolar disorder, being stable for months can be a pretty awesome feat. My meds had been at the lowest dose possible–yay me! I was seeing my psychiatrist regularly, which is both infuriating and insightful, and practicing mindfulness daily. It sounds a lot easier than it really is. As a result, I was happily in the zone. Then boom, it hit. Daylight Savings Time. Why in the hell is this even still a thing? Haven’t there been like a zillion studies done that shows how this is more harmful than helpful? It was created for an agrarian society. We’re not farmers anymore!
Deciding on a proactive approach, rather than batcaving in my bedroom and curling into the fetal position like I wanted to do, I went to my psychiatrist. “Here, try this light box,” she said. It’s about the size of a CD case, but much thicker…
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