The Good Girls Are Always Found

I have broken my own bones,
splintered them
and placed them into bags,
dozens of bags of me,
and I have thrown them
from the windows of speeding cars
in hope that you will find me
after the crash, somewhere
where the good girls would never go,
littered between back alleys
in the dark parts, the places where
the good girls are always found.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

A Pocket Full of Mania

I have sidled up to demons
and whispered them to sleep
but these fiery angels
in my pocket care nothing
for decent conversation.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

I Have Surrendered on This Night

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Tonight I will unpack my worries,
tuck them gingerly beneath my pillow
and lay my head upon them
so that they may feel safe.
When I close my eyes against
the violence of racing thoughts
behind them, perhaps it shall see
the red streaking the white of them
and know I have surrendered on this night.
As I sink down into the darkness,
strength drifts out and away from me,
to take first watch at my feet.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Dropping Hell and Heavenly Shoes

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Don’t tell me that
there is no such thing
as hell when your shoes
are filled with heaven,
you have seen me struggle
with the weight of it.
Come and sit a spell
and let me drop hell
for you to look into
and we will see how quickly
heaven moves you then.

©Nicole Lyons 2017

a Devil and a Deity

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There is a beast
in me who quakes
to be worshipped.
Its deep rumbling
cracks the temple
of me and I wait
to crumble beneath it.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

A Bipolar Nemesis: Daylight Savings Time

Did you all remember to spring ahead? Flashback to why I hate daylight savings

The Lithium Chronicles

lightbox

In the world of bipolar disorder, being stable for months can be a pretty awesome feat. My meds had been at the lowest dose possible–yay me! I was seeing my psychiatrist regularly, which is both infuriating and insightful, and practicing mindfulness daily. It sounds a lot easier than it really is. As a result, I was happily in the zone. Then boom, it hit. Daylight Savings Time. Why in the hell is this even still a thing? Haven’t there been like a zillion studies done that shows how this is more harmful than helpful? It was created for an agrarian society. We’re not farmers anymore!

Deciding on a proactive approach, rather than batcaving in my bedroom and curling into the fetal position like I wanted to do, I went to my psychiatrist. “Here, try this light box,” she said. It’s about the size of a CD case, but much thicker…

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My Manic Mind: The Ride of a Lifetime

I am thrilled to be on Feminine Collective with one of my favourite pieces. If you’ve ever wondered what a manic mind feels like, take a peek but buckle up, it gets pretty bumpy inside my head.

I have bipolar disorder and sometimes, well sometimes, I think I’m blessed because of it. Now I’m not trying to glamorize mental illness… My Manic Mind: The Ride of a Lifetime

The sweet spot

 

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My life can be boiled down

to nothing more

than a series of tracks

hauling freight trains

filled with intensity.

And me,

The ultimate train wreck,

just itching to play chicken.

My Tribe

I love the heavy ones.

I feel the loud ones.

And I am the chaotic ones.

The ones who scream

to be heard

over their own raging thoughts,

while the boring ones

tell them to hush…

Those are my people.

 

Of Maniacs and Manics

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Photo Source: Pinterest

 

You understand words like,
empty, dry, and nothing
but you’ll never know
what hollow feels
like
because your mind
will never take you
under.
It won’t swallow
the smile
from your daughter’s face
before it ever reaches
your eyes.
You understand words like,
full, vibrant, and ecstasy
but you’ll never know
what euphoria feels
like
when you walk body
hot
on a wet summer’s day
into a cool room,
worlds colliding
on your skin.
You call me crazy
because I feel
everything,
but I feel sorry
for you
because you don’t.

© Nicole Lyons 2016