A Cosmic Disappointment

I drink

and I scream

and I curse the stars,

and still you are here,

blaring in my fucking veins.

Nicole Lyons 2017

Most Days

I don’t know if I will ever

know the truth of us,

and what could have been,

what should have been,

what will never be.

But I do know I loved you

and I think you may

have loved me too,

and most days

that is enough.

Nicole Lyons 2017

I Just Wanted To Be Loved – Peter Olsen

“I want God to come/And take me home
‘Cause I’m all alone/ In this crowd
Who are you to me/Who am I supposed to be
Not exactly sure anymore./Where’s this going to
Can I follow through/Or just follow you
For a while/Does anyone ever get this right?”

– ‘The Vampires of Time and Memory’, Queens of the Stone Age

And now I’m all alone.
In the dark I’m home.
My mind is gone.
As I wait for you to finally say goodbye.

I just wanted to be loved.
By anyone.
I just wanted someone to love
Me.

I would do anything
To kill this pain
That infects my brain
For what you did to me.

But I stuck around
Even when you felt down.
I gave my heart and soul
When you were low.
I tried to do anything
To help to wash away your pain
Just because I cared
I was always there
I made myself vulnerable and open for a fall.

You took advantage of me.
My sincerity.
You wiped your feet
On my bleeding heart
As I allowed you to laugh me
And totally use me.
Fucking abused me in your sick, twisted little game.

I would have done anything for you.

For you to just love me.
For just one fucking second,
For just one fucking day,
For just a moment in time for you to accept me for being this pathetic little bitch you think I am.

I just want to be loved
By anyone.
I really don’t fucking care
How bad you hurt me.

Just talk to me
Acknowledge me
Do something or just let me be.
Say something
Say anything
Fucking lie to me one more time
And tell me again you love me.

These pathetic little voices
In my fucked up mind
Are choking me like that blade
Wanting to be my friend
Laying on your perverted bed of lies
Waiting for me to end this pain
I deserve from opening up by bleeding heart to you.

You said I was cute.
You still said I was special.
You said you wanted
And needed me.
You said I was your everything between your thighs.

But it was all a lie
A fucking lie.
All of it
And you really didn’t care
About me

I just wanted to be loved.
By anyone.
I just wanted someone to love
Me.

And now I’m all alone
In the dark I’m home.
My mind is gone
As I wait for you to finally say goodbye.

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After graduating from Washington State University with a B.A. in Humanities, Peter M. Olsen found his true passion and became a blogger. He has written for Feminine Collective, Rachel Thompson, and Hasty Dawn Words.
Peter is also a mental health advocate dedicated to helping people with mental illness.

In his free time, Peter is in search for the greatest taco trucks in the Pacific Northwest. Peter is a raver and PLUR warrior, video game junkie, coffee addict, and an all-around pretty cool guy. Trance, house, and techno music keeps Peter a very happy guy.

Peter lives in the greatest city on Planet Earth. The Emerald City…Seattle, Washington

I Would Run

I feel what you feel,
and I know
what you know,
and in another time
or another place,
on every other plane
of existence, I would run
anywhere with you.

Hard Love

It is a difficult thing,
the knowing and the not,
and the weight of carrying it all.
That we are not of this world
and never have been, but perhaps
we have been placed here
as punishment for living too full
and loving too hard against the softness
of whatever we are made up of.
Maybe it was that hard love
that we made so easy
that brought us here,
to learn to love like them,
with strings attached and angry ultimatums.
But here we are now,
still loving like we did then,
and feeling the fall of it all.
Perhaps we were wrong in the ways
they are right because we were eternal once,
and now these blessed hearts
have been broken and filled and broken again,
and I am afraid that this heart,
that your heart has loved too hard
to ever make it back home again.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Mixed With A Hint

It was my words
that spilled
from his lips,
my poetry
that poured
from his soul;
how was I to resist
my own passion,
mixed with a hint
of his own.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Something Achingly Beautiful

Love was never easy
because suffering was
never optional.
But there was something
gorgeous in the act
of arching backs writhing
in anticipation of ripping
hearts from chests,
something achingly beautiful
in the brutality of it all.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

 

Cast That Messy Shine

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I like dirty hearts
and restless minds,
the old souls that
have known hard lives;
the ones who cast
the most beautiful shine.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

Where Green Things Grow

For GG, with love

I was here,
and I burned with you.
Like kindling struck,
my brittle bones
did break hot,
but oh how we danced,
when my coolest hands
palmed the sweat off your neck,
we glowed good,
and I took your love to my veins.
From lungs of fire
upon gasping breath
I have blackened the skies,
and beat the darkness away.
And somewhere beyond me,
in a place where love burns,
you will feel the warmth
of our blaze again,
in that place
where green things grow.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

I am Nothing – S.L. Heaton

“Is this your better half?”

“No, not really.”

In a moment I was reduced to nothing. I turned my face so you couldn’t see the torment because I’ve never been good at hiding my feelings. The sting of nothingness was strong because I always thought I was at least something to you.

You were my life, my breath, my best friend, and I hoped beyond measure that somehow we could make it work, against all odds and the cruelty of timing.

You kissed me goodbye in a way that you haven’t for sometime with the sting of rejection burning my lips. I felt a familiar lump form in my throat and I had to push you away.

“Really?”

I could not bare to let you see I was dying inside and I wasn’t about to break down in front of you. I was choking on I love you, please stay, and every other word I could not say.

Now I sit in a house laden with memories, trying to find peace in the quiet but this silence is unnerving and I find myself wondering why I think it would be better to be your nothing than to be here alone.

shawna1

Shawna Heaton, aka Priss, is just a girl with some words. Words that spent entirely too long locked up inside. She’s a mom…grandma…aspiring writer…gym junkie…and all around smart ass. She’s on a journey…she doesn’t know where to but she intends to enjoy the ride.

Follow her extraordinary journey at S.L. Heaton