I Live Days

I live days in defeat,
beaten down
by my own mind
and the lies
it whispers to me.
But I have learned
to put my feet up
and rest easy
on those days.
For without that respite,
I could never dance
wildly when I live days
in the sunshine
of my victories.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

You are never alone – Sarah Jean Bowers

Depression and anxiety
Encompass more than sadness,
Fumbling hands,
and racing heartbeats.

It’s missed deadlines,
Canceled plans,
drawn blinds to block the sun,
prayers to make it to dawn.

It’s silence
after breakdowns,
Bruised knees
From praying
for peace.
It’s lying in the fetal position,
drowning in a sea of tears.

It’s succumbing to grief
And the lies it sometimes tells.
It’s heartache
holding you down.
It’s searching for answers
at the bottom of the bottle
when you sometimes hate
the taste of air.

But it doesn’t have to be permanent.
Your strength is stronger
than that which holds
you down.

You know the taste of
resilience and perseverance.
It’s as sweet as
the sun when
You finally step outside
and she kisses
your face.

You have touched hearts
with your bravery,
Unknowingly healing
others’ wounds
when they realize
they are not alone.

The stigma is fear’s best friend.
Don’t let it paralyze you.

This world has
hands to hold,
With journeys and
breakdowns
Similar to your own.

You, beautiful soul, are never alone.

© Sarah Jean Bowers 2017

sjb

Sarah Jean Bowers is a poet, old soul, and resilient warrior.

At the age of eight, she lost her mother in a tragic car accident. She self-medicated with poetry and began to put words to the feelings that held her down. Twenty years later her father died in an accident. She attempted to soldier through, but PTSD and anxiety forced her to take a step back, slow down, and start to heal her wounds. She listened to her body and finally took the time she needed to find steady ground and a purpose to live her life to the fullest.

She has turned her tragedy into poetry with the intention of empowering and healing others with her words. You can find her poetry on Facebook and Instagram.

I Love Your Colours

Some of my strongest bonds have been forged with people who have cracked the foundation of my comfort zone. We rarely agree on things like politics and protests, but we do agree that words hold power and art saves lives. We all view life differently; through eyes coloured by our own circumstances, whether those be selfish or selfless. Perhaps our sense of morality or duty dictates how we live our lives. For some of us, a deep spiritual awareness is the center of our world while logic and reason rule for others, and who are we to judge one another for how we view the world? You see, my shades of grey look nothing like theirs and for that I am grateful, because they have painted my world beautiful with all of their brilliant colours. And had they all lived in this world looking through eyes exactly like mine my foundation would still be solid, but I wouldn’t.

© Nicole Lyons 2017

One of those days – Mariah Yates

I am so pleased to welcome a new face (from our Facebook page) to TLC today.

 

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We all have our days
The days we don’t see coming
Where everything that can go wrong
Seems to go wrong
Or maybe just one really shitty thing
That makes the rest of the day crappy regardless
& we let those days break us
Strip us of all hope
Reconsider all the other little shitty things going on
Let them all add up
Let them weight us down
We help ourselves into a down fall
Open the door for ourselves, to misery
Invite it right in
Yesterday was one of those days for me
& I can still feel some of it lingering with me
Threatening to drag me back down
Wanting my mind to wander to feeling sorry for myself
Wanting me to wallow & cry
Wanting to make me feel bitter & angry
Wanting me to scream that “its not fair”
But ya wanna know what?
I’m still here
Still living, breathing, carrying on with my day
& yeah maybe, that doesn’t really make things better
The emotions are still valid
& its still unfair
But I think we tend to forget
Just how many of these days we’ve had before
That we are here now
At this point in life, cause we made it through them
They will pass
& better days will eventually follow
Great days even
Don’t let a bad day
Make you think its anymore than just that

© Mariah Yates 2016

 

mariah

 

Mariah is a 25 year old mother of two beautiful boys. She has been writing since elementary. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in her teens and uses her writing as an outlet, it helps her cope.

“I love when someone can relate to something I write. It tells me a lot about them & helps me realize I’m not alone in my struggles. I’d like to help end the stigma that surrounds mental illness and to just share some of the chaos in my mind.” – Mariah Yates

Winds of Change

 

peace

 

 

I have nurtured

the seeds

of resistance

planted in my bones

long ago.

Roots grown

swift and mighty,

a solid foundation

of iron

stands me firm

and holds me true.

Vines

of resilience

climb the length

of my spine-straight.

Blooming

down arms

of hope and

hands of peace,

raised in wait,

to embrace

a revolution.

Change

rides the back

of howling winds,

and if seeds

of hatred

are all you have

sowed,

the tempest will

eat you alive.

 

wind

The Ugliest War of You 

Absolutely amazing. This is exceptional.

 

I live in a place where people say “faggot”  as causal as one would say, “hello.” A passing respectful nod from a stranger  is common, although just under his brea…

Source: The Ugliest War of You 

You Don’t Know Me – Dianne Hoffmeyer

 

 

You think you know me?

You don’t.

You think I’m the same woman from a few years back?

Not even close.

You think I’m still quiet, subservient, timid and fragile?

Afraid Not.

You think I’m just going to let you do and say what you want to me?

Think again…

 

I can see through your lies and bullshit.

I was taught by the very best.

I know your game of manipulation, you’re a player, but now I am a coach.

I know how to be strong, because that’s all I’ve ever been since I put myself back together- alone.

I am neither quiet, nor am I timid.

 

I say it like it is, I am proud of who I am,

I do not like to fight, but I am not afraid to bleed.

 

I use my voice to rise above the lies and rumors and gossip that is said about me.

 

No, I know exactly who I am.

 

I am not scared to be myself, I am not scared to be alone, I am not scared for my future even though I don’t know what’s in store for me.

 

I stitched my pain, my tears, my blood,

my anger, my sadness and my loneliness together with such a durable string, that no matter how hard I am tugged on,

pulled on, stretched, dropped,

ignored, abandoned, and no longer loved

so well, that I have MADE the woman you see today.

 

I am everything you hate, I am all kinds of hurt, I draw strength from solitude, my ideas are formed from isolation. I am loved by myself, for myself, with no motives, with no deceptions, with no lies.

 

So before you think you know me,

Think again.

© Dianne Hoffmeyer 2016

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Dianne is an amazing woman; to call her “strong” or “brave” doesn’t cover the half of it. Dianne is a fighter. Blessed with nine beautiful children, she has lived through every mother’s worst nightmare, the death of her child, and she has done it twice.

As a survivor of domestic violence, Dianne found the courage to put her ex husband behind bars, after he shot and stabbed her.

Clean for seven years, Dianne is a recovering addict who in her words, “kept breaking out of handcuffs” until she realized it was time to stop.

Diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety, and PTSD, Dianne is also in advanced stages congestive heart failure. To say she is brave and strong doesn’t do her justice.

Dianne found happiness with her soul mate and was recently married. Her kids are her life, and every decision she makes is made in hope that it is the right one and guides them down the right path in their lives.

The life of love she tries to live each day is a legacy she hopes her kids will live, learn, and never forget.

Penned Lies into Hope – Charlene Trolinder

The other day I published a beautiful piece by S.L. Heaton. The post is called Me And My Dirty Word and I would encourage you, to read it now, because this next piece was written by someone who was so touched by S.L.’s piece, that she wrote a response on it here.

I hope you enjoy.

 

Penned Lies Into Hope

 

I was browsing through my Facebook news feed one afternoon and there was a piece written by a beautiful soul that grabs my attention. It was her dirty little word: hope. I thought how could such a word be dirty? As I read each heart wrenching line this realization began to creep into my mind. I get this. I know exactly how she feels. I realized what I tried to paint as so beautiful was actually a dirty little fucking word.

I have been through hell and stood by people that I loved with every shred of my soul. Only for them to turn around and crucify me with the love I gave. I held on to this idea that did more damage to me than the actual trauma, I held on to hope. It became almost disease like that I held tight to this dirty filthy idea that one day it would actually work in my favor.

I suffered through abuse and heartbreak, holding to the maybe or it could. I was shown that I wasn’t worth the effort or time to be loved, yet I swallowed the, ‘it will get better.’

The day I ran the blade across my skin was the day I realized how filthy that little word really was. I learned love was brutal and that hope did fail us. I took all the brutality and damage and twisted it to believe there was still some hope. I finally broke and that is when I found it.

I pulled myself up and took that shattered little lie we love so much, hope, and I penned it into my legacy. I no longer hope for what was. I no longer think it will get better. I don’t hold on to the maybe as my security blanket. Today I scream my pain to the world in words. I write my hope in each word another will read and believe. My dirty little word will no longer haunt me. It will be my middle finger to those who set out to destroy me, as I set fire to the cross you hung me from for your enjoyment.

 

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Charlene Trolinder aka Lorna Evol is a small town kid born and raised in Dumas, TX. She fought all her childhood to survive, born with a rare chromosomal disease. She attended West Texas A&M, where she obtained a Bachelor’s in Psychology. It was later in life that she realized she struggled with severe depression and anxiety. Each day is a battle, but she loves the simple things. She is an avid reader and animal lover. She draws her inspiration from her struggles, and she tries to give hope to others through her words.

Follow Lorna’s beautiful words on Evocative Eloquence.

 

Abandoned in Wonderland – Charlene Trolinder

I wasn’t born into normality. My first breath I ever took on this earth came with struggle and strife. I’ve only known the painful roads of life. I guess that’s what contributed to the coldness of my beating heart most of my life. I wasn’t a daydreamer, a wish upon a star type, because I knew just how cruel life could be.

 

Then one day I met someone I saw in a different light. She touched a void in my life, a mother. I began to believe in fairytales. The Emerald city seemed so real and and the wizard was granting my wish. I almost couldn’t believe it after so long of emptiness and hurt, I had fell down the rabbit hole and found my wonderland, and my white queen was someone I could love and call mom. I should have known better. I should have known every star wished upon dies out. Every daydream fades away. Some fairytales don’t have happy endings.

 

As I believed and trusted in her she was out seeking her knight in shining armor. He turned out to be my worse nightmare. I became a passing thought. I was simply pushed aside. Her knight in shining armor became the slayer of my self-worth and dignity. He picked each word with the intent of using them to shatter my soul. Each volley of cruelty he spoke to me scarred my heart more and more. Love had become my death trap. I survived because you see since my first breath of life I have known nothing but to fight and survive.

 

Today I don’t sit here writing this hoping to wish upon a star or dream a dream a little sweeter, I sit here bleeding these words to grow and heal. Today I hope for the heart to know I can be loved, the brains to recognize I am worthy, and the courage to understand that one day the world will embrace me for who I am, the little fighter that forged an undying soul and a big loving heart.

 

FB_IMG_1459230572800

Charlene Trolinder aka Lorna Evol is a small town kid born and raised in Dumas, TX. She fought all her childhood to survive, born with a rare chromosomal disease. She attended West Texas A&M, where she obtained a Bachelor’s in Psychology. It was later in life that she realized she struggled with severe depression and anxiety. Each day is a battle, but she loves the simple things. She is an avid reader and animal lover. She draws her inspiration from her struggles, and she tries to give hope to others through her words.

Follow Lorna’s beautiful words on Evocative Eloquence.

This Shots For You – Jason King

Jason's Truth2

 

I’m listening to blues for the westside….Ronnie earl and the broadcasters….I have a love for grimy blues….it fits my mood today….I write about love often….today however is one of those days I’m asking why the fuck I do that….because I can easily tell you about loss much easier…..and everything love isn’t supposed to be….

 

See I heard something today….that for some reason left a bad taste in my mouth….a bitter one….I found out someone I’m honestly not even bothering to mention because they’ve lost that right….was away with the new person they’re with….I had one of those what the actual fuck moments….because we never did that….even after many suggestions from me….as it turns out many of the things I seemed to have too beg for ( never do this, if you are, stop) during that time are now done freely and with a smile….I finally realized….they did not love me like they claimed….I know people will say well they loved you as best they could and so on….I’m going to have to disagree….here’s why….

 

They were capable of the things I was seeking….like the ones for you were perfectly able to do them….but….they didn’t….they didn’t see our worth….and certainly didn’t show that they did….in any relationship there will be times and things you’re not crazy about….maybe you aren’t thrilled about some restaurant they like….or movie….but you know it makes them happy….and that’s important to you….compromise….just make sure you’re not the only one doing that….

 

It’s tough to hear….tough to say….they didn’t love me as much as they said….fuck that stings….but actions….and we’ve all heard this before….actions speak louder than words….it’s the truth….all the sweet words in the world…won’t matter if their actions are saying you’re not worth it to me…. We have to be willing to look at these things….and admit them….when you’re smack in the middle of it we don’t always see it….I certainly didn’t….I do now though….I see them doing the things I desired to have in a relationship….only to be denied….I should’ve walked away sooner….hindsight can be an asshole….karma isn’t coming to save us….so be it…. We can learn from it though….recognize the patterns….

 

No don’t make the new one pay for sins of others….but now you know wait I’m worth it….I’ll be damned if I settle….bring your A game….or don’t bother playing….I’ve survived and now know I can….step up….or step out the door….we know what to look for….

 

Something else you won’t always hear people say….if you’re pissed….a little bitter….just want to flip them off….it’s okay….feel that….don’t deny it….go out with friends and have a few drinks and say….fuck them….turn on music that is so downright grimy you get the gas face listening to it….let it all out….feelings just want to be felt….honor those….feel it all the way….until it’s time to no longer feel them….necessary until it’s unnecessary….but it is okay….OKAY….to be pissed….

 

Sometimes I read sweet quotes and want to throw my phone across the room….we don’t have to walk around blissed out….with smiles and always floating around…..all sweet and awwwww I forgive them….here’s a sunflower….no fuck that….be mad….it means you’ll never settle for less than you deserve again….forgive them when you’re ready….until you are….well this shots for you….I’ll be at the grimy blues bar if you need me.

© Jason King 2016

 

Jason King

 

Jason King is a storyteller, seeker of passion, hopeless romantic, cynic, and possibly completely mad. You can find more of his exquisite writing at Jason King.

Follow Jason’s journey here on The Lithium Chronicles at The Poets