Keep One In The Chamber

This poem was previously published on my column on Feminine Collective.


Darkness has fallen. The winds, they blow strange.
The devils we know have all changed their names.
They have coloured their faces, these heathens without shame,
all pointing corrupt fingers, all deflecting the blame.
They kill our time breathing upon life’s precious things,
taking pleasure from bullets tearing butterfly wings.
One for the kid just trying to get home,
clutching rainbows of death and his girl on the phone.
A few for the women, the mothers not to be,
slaughtered for their choices in the land of the free.
Five for the heroes who laid down their lives
when a blue line was crossed in Dallas that night.
Another forty-nine blazed through the night skies,
carrying the pulse of one love on terrified cries.
In San Bernardino there was holiday cheer,
and then fourteen funerals to ring in the New Year.
In the back of a car on the side of a road,
a little girl counts as a gun unloads.
Into her daddy the bullets are sprayed,
white ones and blue ones and both are afraid.
Her mama is crying and this is their fight,
cars without tail lights and bodies without white.
Gone are the days when we put kids to bed,
with nary a worry but a kiss on the head.
We used to teach fools to be wary of strangers,
but now we tell children to keep one in the chamber.

© Nicole Lyons 2017


You can fan the flames with hate
or stoke the fire with love,
either way, it’s going to burn.

Winds of Change





I have nurtured

the seeds

of resistance

planted in my bones

long ago.

Roots grown

swift and mighty,

a solid foundation

of iron

stands me firm

and holds me true.


of resilience

climb the length

of my spine-straight.


down arms

of hope and

hands of peace,

raised in wait,

to embrace

a revolution.


rides the back

of howling winds,

and if seeds

of hatred

are all you have


the tempest will

eat you alive.



The Ugliest War of You 

Absolutely amazing. This is exceptional.


I live in a place where people say “faggot”  as causal as one would say, “hello.” A passing respectful nod from a stranger  is common, although just under his brea…

Source: The Ugliest War of You 

Dear America

February 5, 2016 – 11:00 PST

I’m itchy, cranky, and my vision has started to fail.

FYI: If WebMD has told you that you’re living with syphilis get a second opinion ASAP, and GTFO WebMD anyway because it’s WebMD. You may just be experiencing a touch of Twitter overload instead, the symptoms are pretty much the same thing. But remember, I’m not a doctor.

Spending an entire day on Twitter is not for amateurs, you have to be Roosh V status and live in your Mom’s basement for that kind of dedication. It is work. Don’t get me wrong, I spend a lot of time on my Mac, like I’m sure most of you do (Goddess help us all) I write stuff for people. I run a pretty high traffic advocacy page that requires a lot of attention, and I sit on the board of a few non profits so I’m pretty glued to a screen. But today was the first day that I have actually done nothing but troll Twitter all day and I am  exhausted. Let’s take a moment and give credit where credit is due:

SHOUTOUT to all of the Basement Goblins’ Moms who actually pick up the laundry of their “pick up artist” sons while they parade around being Kings of Masculinity. I would lose my shit! Your job title says pick up artist so pick up your nasty ass gonch your damn self. Those Moms are bigger women than I am.

With day 1 of this little experiment finally having come to an end, I have to say while my level of commitment was intense, I really didn’t afford myself any wiggle room and that’s going to be a huge problem. I have a family and they’re not all self-sufficient, also I’m one of those women that love my family and prefer their company to the Trolls on Twitter. I know, it’s weird. I guess I’ll have to find a balance, because if I end up making another dinner like whatever it was I made tonight, we’ll all die hungry.

So what have I learned on this highly entertaining yet enlightening day of trolling Twitter? To put it in the simplest terms, because most of the people I have corresponded with today could not possibly be America’s finest (please don’t be America’s finest, else we’re all fucked) Ron White nailed it. You can’t fix stupid.

Today the trolling started with the whole Roosh V being outed as living at home in his Mom’s basement, which is funny as hell, but it kept a dialogue going about violence against women, women’s rights, and human fucking decency. Sadly it brought his disgusting followers out loud and proud like moths to a flame, and they are a shifty sort. No real pictures, some psychedelic profile photo with a big dick name, OR it’s them holding a big fucking gun or bow in front of a Nativity Scene. Now I know there are women hating racist homophobes everywhere, but America it was all you today that felt the need to send me pictures of dead holocaust victims because of my “big Jew nose” Not Jewish btw, just a big beautiful nose.

America, I am honestly frightened for you because while the majority of these white trash, Donal Trump supporting, women hating, racist hillbillies who were tweeting me the most vile shit are not even a little bit smart, some of these guys actually seem educated. Not this dude though. This dude thinks the Prime Minister of Canada is James Woods. No disrespect to Mr. Woods but I think he should stick to acting. Loved Shark.



I know hate is everywhere, but the level of hate that these dip-shit men spew is astounding. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Canadian and have had the privilege to live in a Country where we accept others and celebrate diversity (well except for that whole time Harper was in but we’re trying to block that out), but I just don’t get you guys down there. I know we have some serious assholes up here but you are expert level fucked up in The USofA. I feel so bad for all of my lovely American friends and family who deal with this hate daily.

When I try to wrap my head around it I vomit a little in my mouth, and then I thank my lucky stars that I am raising strong bright Canadian girls in the most beautiful accepting Country in the world. I feel like I should stand for the Canadian National Anthem right now but instead:


Dear America,

You’re our closest neighbour and ally, although I hear some of you are pissed that we’re pulling our combat jets out of this whole mess and establishing more of a training role. Dude, we’re fierce when need be, but innately we’re peacekeepers, and I’m super proud of that. Hate on us all you want, but we’ll hit you with love almost every time. And, we’ll pick you up, because that’s the kind of people we are.

We dig you America and we just want to help you out. Stop the hate.

But, we are a bit concerned with this whole election process of yours, so we’re here to help. Consider us for President. In my 7.5 seconds as Commander In Chief I vow to legalize Kinder Eggs. You can’t be angry and mass shooty when you have Kinder Eggs, look at our record, coincidence? I leave that to you to decide.

In conclusion, America I’d like you to think about a few things:

  1. Women are equal, there is no argument there.
  2. Rape is never okay.
  3. Gun control is a good thing, no one is trying to take your guns away, just be responsible.
  4. A hate spewing politician is cause for concern.
  5. Muslims are not bad people. For the love of everything stop lumping all Muslims in with radical extremist groups like ISIS.
  6. Global warming is a real thing.
  7. Violence is never the answer, even when admittedly it may feel good to slap someone red.
  8. A woman’s body is hers and only hers. Stop telling her what she can and can not do with her reproductive rights.
  9. Corporations and mass consumption are the real devil.
  10. Try getting by with a little bit of love, you know that “hopey changey” stuff. It’s good for your soul

Warm regards,






Roofie Rooshy Makes Bank: Update

You’ll have to excuse me for joining the party late, all of the big words and testosterone coming down that Internet thingy had me a little bit confused and frightened. I felt anxious and overly emotional, almost the exact same way I feel right before I’m about to start my period. So I took a few days to cry, eat a few gallons of ice cream, embrace my inner beauty, and make ridiculous demands on the men in my life, because let’s get real here, a distraught woman simply can not function unless a man takes over.

Holy shiiiiit.

Roosh V. Where do I even start?

Obviously it goes without saying (still going to say it) that this puppy is twisted but could he be a bit of a sociopathic genius as well? Hold on now, I’ll get to the could be part soon, and it has nothing to do with his despicable pro-rape, homophobic, misogynistic beliefs that he spews. I hold no illusions that the man isn’t the vilest form of sleaze to exhale, like ever.

A little backstory, just incase your brain boxes are running on the what in the actual fuck kind of deranged person would nominate Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize loop:

So Roofie Rooshy had planned to hold a bunch of international meet ups for his Internet sensation boyband, ‘The Rapey Gang Bangers’, (I jest, they named themselves Return of Kings, because what else would possible closeted homosexual misogynists name themselves? Queens?) and the world went wild. Not unlike every other time The Sultan of Slime has tried to go somewhere and speak for money to groups of sad little men. Rooshypoops wants to hold these “tribal meetings” for his Kings to, “allow masculine men to regularly bond and converse with each other.” I wonder if Albert Fish could have made as much money as this lackluster Lothario pulls in if he had access to a WordPress account in the 1890s. IRS, are you on this case? Anywho, we all agree that the dude is ew, but come on now, he’s laughing all the way to the fucking bank while his followers are buying a ride on the tail of the next Hale-Bopp.


Dear Kings,

I know you think you hate women and you wouldn’t take my advice, so I asked my husband to talk to you. I’m typing this though because he’s one of those strong trade men that you so admire (also a pilot and a biker) and doesn’t type well, in other words we’ll be here all fucking day before I can even submit to publish. Meet…
Just kidding, like I’d let my husband speak, what kind of a woman do you think I am?

But seriously now, are you actually paying money to get advice on women from a guy who has written and published this in his book Bang Iceland:

“While walking to my place, I realized how drunk she was. In America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she couldn’t legally give her consent. It didn’t help matters that I was relatively sober, but I can’t say I cared or even hesitated.

I won’t rationalize my actions, but having sex is what I do. If a girl is willing to walk home with me, she’s going to get the dick no matter how much she has drunk. I’ll protect myself by using a condom (most of the time), but I know that when it comes to sex, one ounce of hesitation or a feeling of morality will get me nothing.”

And then trying to tell the world that you’re all not pro-rape? Can you see how we’re all confused and even justified in our disgust? But again, you’re PAYING your hard earned money to this For what.. relationship advice? Because if you need this freak’s help to get laid, you have more problems than just hand over fisting your money, Buddy. You would do well to invest that money in some psychological help – find out what it is in you that makes you think it’s okay to treat women this way. Maybe your Mom didn’t hold you enough, maybe your Dad called you a Pussy, maybe you’re really gay and can’t accept that? You should already know this but, it’s totally okay if you’re gay, learn to love your whole self. I don’t know what your inner turmoil is, I’m not a fucking doctor, but I do know that if this Roosh guy is your brah, you’ve got some serious issues.

Don’t give me that bullshit about brotherhood either, my family comes from a very long line of bikers and those men are the epitome of brotherhood. They wouldn’t dream of treating women the way you do, and I’m pretty sure they do alright.

Now if you’re going to hit me with the free speech I can get behind that. Free speech gives me the ability to say that I think most Republican Evangelicals are racist homophobes and would run America into the ground, but that still doesn’t make being rapey okay. Free speech and freedom of press has allowed Mein Kampf and Bang Iceland to be published, doesn’t make them any good. Free speech also allows every single one of The Great White North’s fine mayors to tell The Chlamydia Cult you’re not fucking welcome here. They’re actually doing you a service though, I hear Kayla Bourque has applied to have her curfew lifted.

The Kayla Bourques of this world are the least of your concerns, boys. We’ve got humanity and simple fucking decency on our side, but even when the underbelly of society slithers it’s disgusting sexual frustrations up out into the open, like you have done, strong women and men kick it back down. We are raising a bright and powerful generation of young women and men that will not feel the need to blog this shit out like I do, you’re going to become irrelevant just like you were in high school when you first couldn’t get laid. There is hope for you yet, there is always hope.

As a Canadian I have no qualms about writing a very strongly worded letter to my Member of Parliament to implement further action to cease all Return of Kings meet ups in our fine country.

Totally kidding again, we’ll meet you at the party and I’ll be sure to invite all of my biker friends to come too, we offer advice free of charge.

Warm regards,




In a Daily Mail Exclusive that had basement goblins across the globe taking to social media to vehemently oppose being categorized with Roosh The Douche we got to see what a self-procalaimed “King of Masculinity” looks like:

After Roosh V called 911 yesterday to report death threats he’s received, Maryland police responded to his home, or rather his Mother’s home, where Roosh V the 36 year old grown ass and self proclaimed “masculine man” lives…in her basement. Oh sweet friends, The Universe really does have a wicked sense of fucking humor.

I See You Humanity

Photo Credit Jean Jullien
Photo Credit Jean Jullien

I see you humanity, crawling out from under the rubble, holding your neighbour’s hand, lifting up the closest stranger and offering a shoulder for solace.

I see you humanity, in all of your glory though you may be beaten and tired, scared and feeling defeated; I see you rise again; refusing to let the enemy win.

Across this vast world that we share, horrors and atrocities are carried out systematically, coordinated with calculated terror; devised to separate and conquer us all, and sadly, the enemy is winning, not with their destruction and mutilation, their bombs and their grenades, for we fight those. We grieve our loved ones, and we honour our victims of senseless violence.

How do they beat us? They beat us by outwitting us. The beat us by turning our own on each other, “We do not negotiate with terrorists.” Instead our society has deemed it safe and necessary to paint a single faith with one brush, and I am disgusted.

In an age of enlightenment, ignorance is no longer an acceptable excuse. You scream, “How dare you let these refugees into our Country!” but what if we were bombed, thrown from our homes? Your children raped and tortured before your very eyes, and taken away to be trafficked to a horrific group where their only purpose was to violate and destroy? Baby legs splayed open for every beast to take his turn at your precious baby? Mutilate and desecrate her very soul as her tiny body shuddered in pain, screaming for her Daddy to save her as you were helpless to take her suffering away? What would you do? You would run for freedom.

Wouldn’t you wish a Country that was Free would open its borders for you and your little child, offering solace, comfort and hope? A Free Country where a new beginning for her to start fresh was a real possibility? She could leave the pain and suffering of a war she had never asked to be born into in hopes that she could live a full and healthy life, and begin a chain of love and hope and freedom.

I ask you, how in good faith can you condemn a child who has never had the chance to choose her life? You, my friend, have been privileged to be born in a Free Country, it was nothing but luck that this happened to be where you were born, and it would do you good to remember your blessings the next time you paint all faiths under one brush.

After all of the atrocities, I see you humanity. I see you in the love that is being posted. I see you in the refusal to adhere to the racist bigoted comments that are vomited all over social media. I see you humanity and I have hope. I see you in the faces of my children who choose love because love is louder and love always wins.

I see you humanity, in the way society will not back down to extremists or bigots or racists and I celebrate you.

The bombs and screams and destruction were deafening, but the collective voice of, “you will not bring us to our knees!” is that much louder. Love always wins; it may just take a little while longer.

I see you humanity, and I will never give up on you. You give me strength and courage and the will to keep on going when I feel my faith is gone. You are a beautiful world, and I am proud to be part of you. I am proud to raise my children in such a place where people love one another and accept one another, and those who do not, do not deserve our time, only our love and our light, and our hope that one day they will see the light.

Hate is not born, it is learned. Whether you go into a building with a grenade and destroy lives, or choose to paint a faith based on false beliefs, you are one in the same, maybe not quite on the same level, but you are teaching hate. Try to open your open mind. Love wont kill you, it will only make you grow. The only way to change the world is by one random act of kindness at a time.

Neither faith nor religion is the enemy; an extremist group is, as is your hate and ignorance. You are teaching this to your children, are you any better? Because you haven’t murdered someone, you are still teaching others to hate, ask yourself, is it helping or hurting?