Let It Burn – Jason King

letitburn
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I’m sitting outside….gazing at the night sky….counting stars….I’ve always had a love affair with them….it’s quiet….except for the crickets….and this large dog on the other side of a fence barking at me….I bite back dammit….this makes me think also I’m actually a little excited for my nervous breakdown….I’m only half joking about this…. mainly because the gods know I’m exhausted.

So I sit here….drink in one hand….cigarette in the other….static-x is playing on Pandora right now…. and I let my mind drift….I am tired…. not just physically….I’ve had writers block for what feels like forever now….it’s honestly driving me mad….spoken to a few writer friends about it….tried to follow their advice….still nothing….I hope it passes soon….I hate to admit it but I get jealous sometimes….many have books or write these brilliant things….and I’m stuck….I know we are supposed to be happy for others….and I am….my friends are geniuses….but fuck it if those feelings don’t creep in of damn I wish I was doing that….or why didn’t I think of that….what they wrote is really damn good….ah well we are all human….

It’s funny the things I “worry” about….things like words….in the grand scheme of things it’s probably not that big a deal….but I also know words are the most powerful thing….so this is what I worry about….not the fact I now have a warrant out….and if I’m stopped by a cop I’ll be going to jail….shoulder shrug….I’ll jump off that bridge when I get to it….it’s not the first time I’ve been in a jail….I could use the vacation….so yes….I worry about why I’m blocked….first world problems.

Back to my enjoying a nervous breakdown….the world is making me tired….social media makes me want to Van Gogh my mind….I can’t read comments or an article without it devolving into a race war….with each side blaming the other for every injustice in the world….if we aren’t paying for the sins of those before us we are blaming those now….five minutes after reading comments I fantasize about letting them all go at it gladiator style….we get it….half of the population is angry or hates the other half….I can’t solve this….you can’t either….hate….racism….people will find whatever excuse they need to justify it….they don’t need our help….Hell the media will take care of it for us….give peace a chance they say….we have….part of me wants to throw my hands up and say fine….everyone just kill each other….maybe those of us left can finally move on….more than likely not….assholes always find a way….like Jurassic park….but with stupidity.

Then this election….the fucking shit show circus that it is….can’t be escaped….honestly at this point eating a lightbulb would be less painful….let’s be honest….I don’t care who you vote for….both these people are awful….reading comments on political post as well will make you kind of hope they push a button….just to make it stop….I won’t get into that debate….but honestly….what the fuck do these rich fucks have in common with us….nothing….after the election we will all still get up and go to work…pay bills….be stressed….ironically that statement will probably start a comment war…..one of those I just sigh at and close….it serves no purpose….I don’t think I’m alone in this thinking though….half the people I talk to are just tired….sick and fucking tired of it all….politicians don’t have our best interest in mind….they just don’t….

Back to words are a powerful thing….tell people what they want to hear….afterwards….line your pockets….my day to day life won’t change….I’ll be at work tomorrow….trying to make it to next payday….go fight amongst yourselves….I’m just trying to make it on what’s in my gas tank and eat….you want to hate someone because of pigment….or what God they worship….go ahead….I’m not going to change your mind….nor do I want to….I’m too damn tired….I’m thinking about what I can take to lunch tomorrow….seriously enough is enough….peace is great….but utopia is only found in books….at this point….I can’t even care if they all kill each other….I know I know….what a terrible thing to say….love will win the day….or change will only happen if we stand up and say something….positive vibes out into the universe….or pray….fine….

I’m okay being the bad guy….throwing my hands up and saying….you know what I’m burned out….if politics and race and religion separate us all that much….have the hell at it…maybe then the rest of us can move forward….but I doubt it….there’s always someone ready to hate. Yes I know….what a negative view….I call it realistic….either way.

I think that’s why we root for the bad guy….secretly envy the bad guy….I watched a very popular show Sunday….you know the one….and I found myself envying the “villain”….maybe because I understood him….or I got it….and I admired his willingness to just say fuck it….I’m going to do what I want….he just wasn’t worried about the things most of us worry about….I think that’s why we love and hate them….they’re free in ways we aren’t….we would all probably prefer to live in the light….but let’s be truthful….probably won’t happen….there’s a reason heath ledgers joker was so popular….many thought….damn it would be nice to just cut loose and stand up and say fine….we’ve tried everything else….let’s just let it all burn….we are too tired to keep going….chasing our tails….going in circles.

We can put a sunflower in a gun….that gun will still fire….so fine….you want to strike a match….let me get the gasoline….maybe when it’s all on fire it’ll finally sink in….oh wait….we are arguing over things that at this point shouldn’t be an issue….too late….light a cigarette from the embers of what was….or maybe I’m just a nihilist….or a realist….or maybe I finally had that breakdown I was looking forward to….now I can finally rest and just enjoy the blaze.

© Jason King 2016

Jason King

Jason King is a storyteller, seeker of passion, hopeless romantic, cynic, and possibly completely mad. You can find more of his exquisite writing at Jason King.

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