Moonlight – Matthew D. Eayre

 

Moonlight

I was asked by someone long ago what I wanted to be at two years old I wanted to be a goat, at six an FBI agent, at nine an author, at ten invisible, at eleven dead. At twelve I wanted to run away, at thirteen I wanted to be somebody’s child, at fourteen I wanted to be a sex toy for someone I chose, and at fifteen I wanted to be so fucking high I couldn’t remember my name. At sixteen I wanted to be anything at all to anyone, seventeen found me and I became a sex toy again. At eighteen I wanted to be anything that would pay my way, because I just wanted to be free of charge and up all night. What I wanted to be, what I was, the details get blurry. I’ve never had patience, I’m always in a hurry to get to what’s next, to find the next steps. At twenty-two I wanted to be gone, washed up on a beach near my childhood home so my ghost would haunt the sand and iceplant, I wanted to be nothing, finally, forever.

And everything I have ever wanted to be from my last day of being twenty-two until this second has been trapped in the first look from a pair of grey eyes. She took away what I wanted and showed me what I need. I want to be as good as I look in those eyes, as strong and pure and important. I want to be worthy of the trust I see there. I want to be a magical unicorn riding a rainbow, a perfectly paired wine with the most beautiful meal on the best table at the exotic world-class restaurant, I want to be the holder of deep secrets and the protector of hidden scars. I want to be what she sees when she sees me.

 

matt

 

Matthew D. Eayre is a writer living in Denver with his wife and children. Refusing to exist as only one thing, he works as a supervisor in a delivery company while pursuing his BA in Accounting and chasing his dreams of making his voice heard in the world.

You can connect find more of Matthew’s stunning words at Matthew D. Eayre, Poetry of Monsters and on Instagram.

Purchase a copy of his extraordinary book here.

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