By my own admission…I am losing my faith in good karma.

I have lived my life trying to be a decent human being…always. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But I have always believed in giving of myself wherever and whenever possible. I always try to be a good person…a genuine human being.

I have been shit on more times than I ever thought humanly possible. I’ve told myself for so long that karma has to eventually catch up to me and show me that the universe has some kind of mercy…something good in store for me…at least some kind of break.

But I find myself doubting this possibility more everyday. How many terrible things can one person withstand? That is the question. These situations are supposed to make you stronger and they have in the past but I am reaching my breaking point.

When you feel like there is literally no peace in your life everything starts to become unbearable…I question whether or not I actually have it in me to fight the good fight anymore.

“What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” More often than not I feel like the fly and I just want to lay down and let the web close around me.

I’ve never asked for anything in return for simply being a good human being because I believe it’s the right way to be…but I am asking now…pleading…for one small break…somewhere…anywhere. I’m not asking for much…just one small sliver of peace in the utter chaos that I currently reside in. I am in no way, shape, or form owed this but…right or wrong…I truly believe I deserve at least that much.

© S.L. Heaton 2016

 

shawna1

 

Shawna Heaton, aka Priss, is just a girl with some words. Words that spent entirely too long locked up inside. She’s a mom…grandma…aspiring writer…gym junkie…and all around smart ass. She’s on a journey…she doesn’t know where to but she intends to enjoy the ride.

Follow her extraordinary journey at S.L. Heaton

6 thoughts on “By My Own Admission #4 – S.L. Heaton

  1. Shawna, I hope you get that break, that glimmer or more of light. There’s a lot of different thinking about Karma, including ideas of whether or not it operates in the mundane world, or entirely in the spiritual realm of development. Once we understand the practice of right living is simply the way to be, whatever the results. Carry on. .

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I never believed in karma – too much bad stuff happens to good people, and too much good stuff happens to the absolutely abysmal people. Nope. Karma’s a no-go. Life’s just a bitch sometimes, and there are days when the only good stuff is what you can cobble together for your own self. The ‘universe’ isn’t sentient and has no interest either way. There’s no ultimate equilibrium or restoration in this world. Just ain’t happening.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Keep fighting and know you’re not alone and there are always options or help. Don’t be afraid or too proud to ask for help!! Everyone is struggling with some secret pain or burden.
    Also: pray. The answer may not come how or when you expect it.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Although I tend to be optimistic, I, like Lizzi, realize that bad things happen to good people. Life is simply unfair. Like you, I do my best to love and to do the right thing regardless of consequences, not expecting rewards. Let this be a reward – you are not alone. Others suffer and survive. You are loved and lovable. I send you my love and my hope for a needed break in the chaos, a respite, self-care of some sort.

    Liked by 1 person

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