By My Own Admission #4 – S.L. Heaton

By my own admission…I am losing my faith in good karma.

I have lived my life trying to be a decent human being…always. Am I perfect? Absolutely not. But I have always believed in giving of myself wherever and whenever possible. I always try to be a good person…a genuine human being.

I have been shit on more times than I ever thought humanly possible. I’ve told myself for so long that karma has to eventually catch up to me and show me that the universe has some kind of mercy…something good in store for me…at least some kind of break.

But I find myself doubting this possibility more everyday. How many terrible things can one person withstand? That is the question. These situations are supposed to make you stronger and they have in the past but I am reaching my breaking point.

When you feel like there is literally no peace in your life everything starts to become unbearable…I question whether or not I actually have it in me to fight the good fight anymore.

“What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.” More often than not I feel like the fly and I just want to lay down and let the web close around me.

I’ve never asked for anything in return for simply being a good human being because I believe it’s the right way to be…but I am asking now…pleading…for one small break…somewhere…anywhere. I’m not asking for much…just one small sliver of peace in the utter chaos that I currently reside in. I am in no way, shape, or form owed this but…right or wrong…I truly believe I deserve at least that much.

© S.L. Heaton 2016

 

shawna1

 

Shawna Heaton, aka Priss, is just a girl with some words. Words that spent entirely too long locked up inside. She’s a mom…grandma…aspiring writer…gym junkie…and all around smart ass. She’s on a journey…she doesn’t know where to but she intends to enjoy the ride.

Follow her extraordinary journey at S.L. Heaton