By My Own Admission #1 – S.L. Heaton

By my own admission…I wasted “the pretty” for too many years.

 

I spent a lot of years in a relationship where I never felt valued. I felt like I was in a constant state of defeat. No matter what I did…it was never good enough. No matter what I said…it was never the right thing.

 

It was great in the beginning…he did nice things and said sweet words. I remember the “good morning sunshine” messages and how he used to pack up my text books and start my car in the mornings when I would spend the night at his house.

 

I was going to college when we met and he thought I was so smart…this eventually turned into me being selfish for doing something I considered to be such a major personal accomplishment. I did it anyway…received my degrees and I was so proud of myself…whether he was or not.

 

There was a time when I would drive up my street and be excited to see his car in the driveway…excitement turned to dread…it was so lonely walking around in a “silent” house. Three feet away from each other… not saying a word.

 

It’s true what they say…it’s far worse to be lonely WITH someone than it is to be alone and lonely. It was such a miserable existence. My heart was no longer breaking at this point…it was dying…slowly…a little bit more every day.

 

One of my best friends knew what I was going through…was there for all those years. She said something to me one day…”Shawna…don’t waste the pretty on a guy who so obviously doesn’t deserve you.”

 

Damn…those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I broke down and cried…something I rarely do. I’ve always been the strong type…keeping everything to myself…smiling on the outside but dying on the inside.

 

Not long after that I went home one night to this look on his face…like he was disgusted I was there. That was it…the big decision…I was not going to come home to that look ever again.

 

I packed my things…I left with my car and my clothes…leaving behind my beautiful home and all of the beautiful things in it. He begged me to stay as I was leaving and said, “Please…I’ll do anything.” As I walked out the door I replied, “You had all these years to do everything and never did.” I never looked back.

© S.L. Heaton 2016

 

shawna1

 

Shawna Heaton, aka Priss, is just a girl with some words. Words that spent entirely too long locked up inside. She’s a mom…grandma…aspiring writer…gym junkie…and all around smart ass. She’s on a journey…she doesn’t know where to but she intends to enjoy the ride.

Follow her extraordinary journey at S.L. Heaton