By my own admission…I wasted “the pretty” for too many years.

 

I spent a lot of years in a relationship where I never felt valued. I felt like I was in a constant state of defeat. No matter what I did…it was never good enough. No matter what I said…it was never the right thing.

 

It was great in the beginning…he did nice things and said sweet words. I remember the “good morning sunshine” messages and how he used to pack up my text books and start my car in the mornings when I would spend the night at his house.

 

I was going to college when we met and he thought I was so smart…this eventually turned into me being selfish for doing something I considered to be such a major personal accomplishment. I did it anyway…received my degrees and I was so proud of myself…whether he was or not.

 

There was a time when I would drive up my street and be excited to see his car in the driveway…excitement turned to dread…it was so lonely walking around in a “silent” house. Three feet away from each other… not saying a word.

 

It’s true what they say…it’s far worse to be lonely WITH someone than it is to be alone and lonely. It was such a miserable existence. My heart was no longer breaking at this point…it was dying…slowly…a little bit more every day.

 

One of my best friends knew what I was going through…was there for all those years. She said something to me one day…”Shawna…don’t waste the pretty on a guy who so obviously doesn’t deserve you.”

 

Damn…those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I broke down and cried…something I rarely do. I’ve always been the strong type…keeping everything to myself…smiling on the outside but dying on the inside.

 

Not long after that I went home one night to this look on his face…like he was disgusted I was there. That was it…the big decision…I was not going to come home to that look ever again.

 

I packed my things…I left with my car and my clothes…leaving behind my beautiful home and all of the beautiful things in it. He begged me to stay as I was leaving and said, “Please…I’ll do anything.” As I walked out the door I replied, “You had all these years to do everything and never did.” I never looked back.

© S.L. Heaton 2016

 

shawna1

 

Shawna Heaton, aka Priss, is just a girl with some words. Words that spent entirely too long locked up inside. She’s a mom…grandma…aspiring writer…gym junkie…and all around smart ass. She’s on a journey…she doesn’t know where to but she intends to enjoy the ride.

Follow her extraordinary journey at S.L. Heaton

12 thoughts on “By My Own Admission #1 – S.L. Heaton

  1. YES to having all the years to have done something, and never having done it. Action (or inaction) always belies the truth about people’s feelings and attitudes. GREAT piece, and so glad you decided you were worth more 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. My hands are shaking as I read this with him sitting on the other end of the couch ignoring me. I am the woman that has “wasted her pretty.” I look in the mirror daily and cry, who would want me now. I will never be enough, do enough and yet here I sit. Defeated and complacent. To the younger women out there, read this story and listen. Don’t wait.

    Liked by 3 people

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