A brave and beautiful post.
Content warning. * By Shareen Mansfield*
I spent five days looking up ways to kill myself.
I had the drugs on hand, prescribed to me for the pain related to my chronic, life threatening illness which was ironically not the reason I wanted to die. I was careful, I researched my death at length. I performed nursing calculations. I looked on websites for autopsy reports of prescribed medication overdoses. I scoured the internet, library and bookstores looking for a way to sleep and never wake up.
I did a test. I took the maximum amount I could swallow about a half hour after taking a medication that prevents vomiting. It stayed down. I made myself vomit by chugging vodka — the only alcoholic beverage that makes my gag reflex work. I threw up for over an hour that day. I never got high or drunk. I didn’t give the…
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Wow! So powerful! So glad she realized it was the black box warning in jarring effect. Imagine her little kids. So glad it had a happy ending and that she described everything in stark detail so others could be helped if they find themselves in a similar situation!
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Thanks, Nicole – I reblogged it too.
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So powerful. I’ve never heard these experiences explained this way. Realistically, yet hopeful at the same time. Thank God the mighty Shareen is an enlightened warrior and willing to share her story.
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Thank YOU for sharing this. It’s been a rough week, I’m just peering out of the hole of depression I was in. My first log into wordpress for over a month and the first words I read are this post.
“this isn’t about medications, this is about my promise to myself to feel everything and live through it.”
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