Dear America

February 5, 2016 – 11:00 PST

I’m itchy, cranky, and my vision has started to fail.

FYI: If WebMD has told you that you’re living with syphilis get a second opinion ASAP, and GTFO WebMD anyway because it’s WebMD. You may just be experiencing a touch of Twitter overload instead, the symptoms are pretty much the same thing. But remember, I’m not a doctor.

Spending an entire day on Twitter is not for amateurs, you have to be Roosh V status and live in your Mom’s basement for that kind of dedication. It is work. Don’t get me wrong, I spend a lot of time on my Mac, like I’m sure most of you do (Goddess help us all) I write stuff for people. I run a pretty high traffic advocacy page that requires a lot of attention, and I sit on the board of a few non profits so I’m pretty glued to a screen. But today was the first day that I have actually done nothing but troll Twitter all day and I am  exhausted. Let’s take a moment and give credit where credit is due:

SHOUTOUT to all of the Basement Goblins’ Moms who actually pick up the laundry of their “pick up artist” sons while they parade around being Kings of Masculinity. I would lose my shit! Your job title says pick up artist so pick up your nasty ass gonch your damn self. Those Moms are bigger women than I am.

With day 1 of this little experiment finally having come to an end, I have to say while my level of commitment was intense, I really didn’t afford myself any wiggle room and that’s going to be a huge problem. I have a family and they’re not all self-sufficient, also I’m one of those women that love my family and prefer their company to the Trolls on Twitter. I know, it’s weird. I guess I’ll have to find a balance, because if I end up making another dinner like whatever it was I made tonight, we’ll all die hungry.

So what have I learned on this highly entertaining yet enlightening day of trolling Twitter? To put it in the simplest terms, because most of the people I have corresponded with today could not possibly be America’s finest (please don’t be America’s finest, else we’re all fucked) Ron White nailed it. You can’t fix stupid.

Today the trolling started with the whole Roosh V being outed as living at home in his Mom’s basement, which is funny as hell, but it kept a dialogue going about violence against women, women’s rights, and human fucking decency. Sadly it brought his disgusting followers out loud and proud like moths to a flame, and they are a shifty sort. No real pictures, some psychedelic profile photo with a big dick name, OR it’s them holding a big fucking gun or bow in front of a Nativity Scene. Now I know there are women hating racist homophobes everywhere, but America it was all you today that felt the need to send me pictures of dead holocaust victims because of my “big Jew nose” Not Jewish btw, just a big beautiful nose.

America, I am honestly frightened for you because while the majority of these white trash, Donal Trump supporting, women hating, racist hillbillies who were tweeting me the most vile shit are not even a little bit smart, some of these guys actually seem educated. Not this dude though. This dude thinks the Prime Minister of Canada is James Woods. No disrespect to Mr. Woods but I think he should stick to acting. Loved Shark.

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I know hate is everywhere, but the level of hate that these dip-shit men spew is astounding. I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Canadian and have had the privilege to live in a Country where we accept others and celebrate diversity (well except for that whole time Harper was in but we’re trying to block that out), but I just don’t get you guys down there. I know we have some serious assholes up here but you are expert level fucked up in The USofA. I feel so bad for all of my lovely American friends and family who deal with this hate daily.

When I try to wrap my head around it I vomit a little in my mouth, and then I thank my lucky stars that I am raising strong bright Canadian girls in the most beautiful accepting Country in the world. I feel like I should stand for the Canadian National Anthem right now but instead:

 

Dear America,

You’re our closest neighbour and ally, although I hear some of you are pissed that we’re pulling our combat jets out of this whole mess and establishing more of a training role. Dude, we’re fierce when need be, but innately we’re peacekeepers, and I’m super proud of that. Hate on us all you want, but we’ll hit you with love almost every time. And, we’ll pick you up, because that’s the kind of people we are.

We dig you America and we just want to help you out. Stop the hate.

But, we are a bit concerned with this whole election process of yours, so we’re here to help. Consider us for President. In my 7.5 seconds as Commander In Chief I vow to legalize Kinder Eggs. You can’t be angry and mass shooty when you have Kinder Eggs, look at our record, coincidence? I leave that to you to decide.

In conclusion, America I’d like you to think about a few things:

  1. Women are equal, there is no argument there.
  2. Rape is never okay.
  3. Gun control is a good thing, no one is trying to take your guns away, just be responsible.
  4. A hate spewing politician is cause for concern.
  5. Muslims are not bad people. For the love of everything stop lumping all Muslims in with radical extremist groups like ISIS.
  6. Global warming is a real thing.
  7. Violence is never the answer, even when admittedly it may feel good to slap someone red.
  8. A woman’s body is hers and only hers. Stop telling her what she can and can not do with her reproductive rights.
  9. Corporations and mass consumption are the real devil.
  10. Try getting by with a little bit of love, you know that “hopey changey” stuff. It’s good for your soul

Warm regards,

Nicole

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Dear America

  1. I’ve been following the comments on your previous post via email and can well imagine what your day on Twitter must have been. I learned about those guys a long time ago and gave up trying to reason with or educate them. Our politics down here has been moving toward unresolvable conflicts and demonetization for several decades. Its sad and scary on so many, pretty much every, issues. I think I could vote for Canada for President. One of my friends from High School’s father was a profesor of Political Science, Canadian, and had been a member of the (I think I’ve got the title right) Commission on Bi-Lingualism and Bi-Culturalism that kept Quebec from leaving. Yes, you folks know how to do nice. OK, I’m rambling. As for not being able to fix stupid, here is Robert Heinlein’s take on that:

    “Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can’t help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime, the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.”

    I would add that it also cannot be cured by Twitter. Thanks for all you do.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for writing this letter. This came at just the right time—as many of your posts do! I also went down the scary hole of the trolls yesterday, for the first time in quite a while. Now I’m annoyed with myself for taking the bait and wasting time. I made the mistake of “liking” a joke about the Donald’s creepy remarks regarding his daughter, before noticing that the poster had set it to “Public.” Shitstorm followed, with many Trump-lovers calling me and and others vile names. I knew these people were out there, but I usually manage to avoid interacting with them since there is no reasoning with them. I’ve never had quite this appalling experience before —makes me feel I need to take multiple showers!

    Like

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