Twenty-six Pages


Remember when I said I was going to get the pharmacist to print out every single medication I have been prescribed since 2012? Well here it is and it is a whopping 26 pages long. There is shit on here that I had to Google, absolutely no fucking clue what it was, and no recollection of having taken it for, say 3 months.

Lexepro? Nope, I’ve never tried that one yet…Oh wait, yup sure have, it’s cipralex and it works for me…if my stabilizers are good, if not ↑ ↑ ↑ Buspar? Never heard of it, but apparently I sucked a shitload of that back too. Oh and don’t get me started on the lithium again. On it, off it, on it again, increased, decreased, off it, try it again – 5 fucking times.

My failure to recall these specific meds come from the big stay at the psych hospital, or as I like to refer to them, The Lost Months, so I can forgive myself for the memory loss there. They had me so drugged that I’m surprised I could feed myself. Oh wait, I needed help with that too (lithium tremors.) Oh! I just had a thought:

I need to get the records from the psych ward…all of them…to see what they had me on there…all the times I was in there…different pharmacy so my meds from inside are not reflected here. Goody, that means more.


Here’s a look at SOME of my outpatient meds over the course of 3 1/2 years:






















I have been on and off some of these drugs numerous times, take lithium for example, 5 times. Went toxic three times requiring kidney scans and two weekends in the hospital being flushed by IV. The doses have been increased, decreased and then increased again on so many.

This list does not include medications to counteract side effects from these listed.

I have seen 4 psychiatrist, 2 psychologists, gone to CBT, DBT, mindfulness classes and yoga. I have jumped off of meds, which put me into seizures that sent me to the hospital (not proud of that and wouldn’t advise it at all) and I am tired. I am so tired of this. I couldn’t even begin to guess how many pills I have swallowed in the last 4 years.

January 20th is the day that I see my GP. I’m taking this list with me. I’m going to ask for an ECT consult, I don’t know what else to do.










9 thoughts on “Twenty-six Pages

  1. I’m a bit overwhelmed just reading that list. That would be a long list if it had been ten or even twenty years, but 4 years? OMG I agree that you should get the inpatient records too. From some of your previous posts I gather that part of the problem you’ve had with one or more doctors has been the effort to completely smother your symptoms leading to increased side effects and such. The list really makes that clear. I’m in awe at the moment that you have been able to carry on as well as you have and do your writing. ECT is no picnic, even with the most modern procedures, but if you can get the consult and it is indicated it can’t be worse than getting constantly whipsawed by med changes. Best of luck with it all and total support in all you are doing.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oy vey! At least Carol wasn’t there! Bat shit crazy pharm tech. Sorry i still hold a grudge for her treatment towards you.
    I thought I’d been on alot if meds. Makes you feel like it’s trying to find the right combination of jelly beans for the best flavor ever. (BTW-Toasted Marshmallow and Buttered Popcorn are delicious together.)
    Go in armed and dangerous my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t forget when she wanted you on Librium (I forget the generic name)….an institutional drug used in the 1950s that turned patients into zombies. You’re on the right track….gooooo girl! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My list looks just like yours! I have been on so many different pills and change doses that is overwhelming just to look at.


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