I asked for this medication change. I needed this medication change, but that doesn’t make the initial effects of this medication change any easier to deal with.
Yesterday was particularly brutal for me. How is it possible for one’s head to simultaneously feel so bloody heavy that it’s weighing your entire body down yet at the same time it’s so light that you’re about to float away? It’s a fucking mystery to me. The shakes that accompanied the sweats and chills reminded me of my old party days. I don’t know if you’ve ever been on a days long cocaine binge but once that paranoia and jitter bug sets in, you’ve pretty much got what I felt like yesterday.
I know once I get over this initial hump I’ll start to feel better. Well that’s what I keep telling myself after I get mad anyway. Yesterday afternoon I was trying to rest and remembered that I had to call in the rest of my meds to be refilled, I was praying I didn’t have to deal with Carol. I didn’t. Once I got off the phone I started thinking about all of the medications I have been on over the last four years. Just off the top of my head I can recall fifteen, and those do not include meds to counteract side effects, I know there have been more than that. I called back and asked her to print them all out for me to take to Dr. H next week.
I think I’d like to hear the words come from him rather then just keep swirling over and over in my head. He’s already said “med sensitive” over and over, that’s completely obvious though. I’ve heard “non-compliant” but never from him, now I’m just waiting on “med-resistant” but like I have said before, I’m not a fucking doctor. I’m just the one swallowing the pills hoping one of these days something decides to work.