So I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday — finally. We’ve been doing the unavailable dance for over a month now. She’s been rescheduling and I’ve been avoiding. I’m almost certain rescheduling is a professional’s tool used as an avoidance technique though. I’m bringing that up during our next session.
I was in the zone on the way to the pdoc. The sun was shining and my playlist was on shuffle, hitting the perfect beats to match my mood. It was a beautiful day and I was happy. I gunned the gas and my little whip whizzed down the highway hitting every green light as I went. Oh yeah, it was good day.
Not gonna lie, I sprang (sprung)? up those stairs with a little pep in my step, flinging the door open with enthusiasm, ready to greet everyone in there and grace them all with my glorious presence.
Hello Sharon! I’m here to see Dr. T
Not a single eye turned to me, not one. I don’t often like to be the center of attention anymore but seriously? Come on people, look at me. I got up, dressed and even did my fucking makeup for this.
Have a seat Nicole; she’ll be with you shortly.
I’m 37 seconds in and this is not how I had already decided my appointment was going to go. I picked a seat closest to my pdoc’s office so that I had a good vantage point to check everyone out. If I have a long wait I like to Peep-Make-Believe (secretly people watch and make up stories in my head as to why they’re there) don’t get all judgy on me now I know you do the same thing. And if we’re being honest here, sometimes a little happy fantasyland where you’re finally the one with your shit together really does put a smile on your face.
After about 2 minutes I had determined that the lady to the right of me had been going through a bitter divorce due to her husband’s porn addiction, frequent infidelities with much older men, and a penchant to spend all of their money on gambling. I felt eyes on me and glanced up to lock gazes with Creepy Dude. He didn’t have to say a single word, it was written all over his face, he was Peep-Make-Believing me and not giving a single fuck that I knew.
I was shocked and quite frankly a little thrown, who Peep-Make-Believes that obvious? That’s just fucking rude and intrusive and there is no need for that shit. Boundaries people, we establish them for reasons. There are things in this world that you can and can not get away with, and walking the fine line between looky-loo and giving off voyeurism vibes in your psychiatrist’s waiting room is on the list of things you shouldn’t fucking do. And now I’m backed into a corner because if I go all inward and small he wins and thinks it’s okay, when the unwritten rules of Peep-Make-Believe are to be discreet, it’s not called Creep-Make-Believe.
The best I could figure was that I had two choices, I could either pull out my kindle and try to ignore the guy, but I was getting a vibe that was really fucking uncomfortable, or I could one-up him and stare him down. Not Quite Alice told me she’s done this with a therapist and it seemed like the route to take. I took a deep breath.
I didn’t want to go in all OITNB’s Crazy Eyes, but I sure as hell didn’t want to give even the slightest hint of coquettishness so I went with what I knew and pulled out the big guns. I hit him with a solid Kubrick Stare. Creepy Dude gasped, yes actually gasped, raised his shoulders and swallowed hard. I amped up my smirk to give it a little more kick and his eyes shot to the floor. I kept him in my line of sight for the next minute or so until he got called in to see his doctor. He gazed up once and when he saw that I still had him in my crosshairs he fumbled and mumbled and almost ran over the doctor. Victory was sweet.
Hi Nicole, Come on in. You look well.
Hi Dr. T, I’m doing really well, how are you?
I let out a little chuckle as she gave me a once over, tilting her head to the side while considering me. I wondered if she ever Peep-Make-Believes that people are actually normal.
It’s been quite some time since we’ve spoken. What’s going on and what is so funny?
She sits down and gives me her Kubrick Stare; only it’s not really an actual Kubrick Stare, more like a concerned doctor who wants to know why you’re in hysterics in her office stare.
Oh nothing, just silliness. I’m good, not much new, how are you?
She nods her head and smiles back at me, she has a great smile. I really like her.
Well you tell me what’s not much new and we’ll go over your meds. Your swings are like clockwork and it is that time of year. Any behaviours I should be concerned about?
Would you consider a stare down with a client in your office a behaviour that you should be concerned with?
If I didn’t know you I’d say yes, but kind of childish, no?